miercuri, 26 noiembrie 2008

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus

Once one of my friends offered me the book for reading in Romanian, but I hesitated at that momet, thinking that it's another american "advice" mini-book, something like "How to improve your life (in 10 days) ?". But I was really wrong! Wrong, because I enjoyed listening this book. Listening, the book was already gone :) The audio version was in english, that's why writing in the same language.

Here are some notes:

- When men and women are able to respect and except their differences, then love has a chance to blossom
- Love is magical and it can last, if we remember our differences
- The most frequently expressed complaint women have about men is that they don't listen. She wants empathy, he thinks she wants solutions. What men have to complain about women, is that they are always trying to change them. She thinks she's nurturing (nurture = to take care of, new word 4 me), while he feels he's being controlled, instead he wants her acceptance
- Men are for solutions and women seek for improve
- Martians (men) value power, competency, efficiency and achievment - it's important fot them to achieve results, succes, accomplishment, they want to prove competence by theirselves
- Women musn't tell men what they should do
- On Venus talking about problems is not an invitation to offer solutions. Women value feelings, communication, the quality of relationships.
- Women are realtionship oriented, while men are goal oriented
- On Venus talking and sharing fellings is a sign of love, while on Mars is a sign of weakness
- Men and women have different needs. Men are motivated and enpowered when they feel needed. Women are motivated whrn they are cherished (cherish = to treat with affection and tenderness). Not to be needed is a slow death for men. Women are happy when their needs will be met
- BLAIMING DOES NOT WORK! Understanding, trust, compassion, acceptance and support are the solutions
- A men's fear is that he is not good enough, or that he is incompetent
- Good communication requires participation on both sides! Remember we speak different languages
- Men and women have different emotional needs: For men is importnant: trust, accept, apreciation, admiration, approval, encouragement. While for women: carrying, understanding, respect, devotion, validation, reassurance
- Mistakes made by men: 1. he minimizes the importance of her feelings and needs
2. he listens, but then gets angry and upset for bringing him down
3. after listening, he says nothing or just walk away
Mistakes made by women: 1. she tryes to improve his behavior
2. she complains about what he hasn't done
3. she corrects his behavior
- Men need to be trusted, women need to feel carried for

- Next time when you're frustrated with the opposite sex, remember men are from Mars, women are from Venus

Well, John Gray made a good job writing about these differences. I'm thinking just how our parents and grandparents could live together without this advices..? :) joking, it's good that people still discuss about how couples can improve their together living..

4 comentarii:

Alex spunea...

I've read [actually, listened] this book as well. It has some interesting ideas but I think the author could express the same stuff in less words (perhaps less than 10 pages).

It's quite difficult to apply the advices in practice if you lack self-control, but I confirm that the book was useful (some progress was made).

panu4i spunea...

It's difficult indeed, changes need time.
10 pages, perhaps..
isn't that altough too less? Could You do this? :)
I also think the book is useful.

Alex spunea...

I usually take notes when I read books. In the case, all of the key ideas could fit on a single page, expressed in a diagram [if I wrote the ideas down; which I didn't do because this was an audiobook].

Soon I'm publishing a note taking guide on my site, if you end up using those techniques - you'll be able to squeeze that book into a paragraph (-;

panu4i spunea...

I see now.
btw, I also take notes while reading smth interesting.
waiting for the guide (: